As ugly as it becomes there seems to be a light I will never reach.
I’m not sure who would even begin to call Boyd Bethany, but for some reason “Daddy” is in me or around me ALL the time (lately.) I can feel him in my breath, I can feel how warped senseless, and ugly his body feels. How disgusting he feels about us both INSIDE ME. It’s gross.
He crawls into my body, and I feel exactly how his broken nose feels. I am NOT him, he is NOT me. In fact, he doesn’t even profess to BE me or a part of me. He just wants what’s IN me. No, he has never come out through my body publicly. However, he wants what I have. As per usual. It’s been a LOT of years, however, some people are aware I am who I always said I would be.
I have no idea who felt it necessary to call him on the astral phone, or probably the real one. However, with the amount of fierce abuse I’ve been withstanding since March alone nothing would surprise me.
For some reason, it seems I keep hearing “the book of abuse.” I guess the realistic (?) response for people to get in touch with that THAT guy. The one who told me to “get in the shower, and punch myself in the stomach” after I became pregnant with his child.
I’m tired of despicable people, including, but not limited to him.
I have heard that there is a story which was written about probably the majority of the original Nation of Poetry (or that group of people.) I’ve been saying for a while. This is NOT my BOOK I’m experiencing NONE of this I wrote down. However, I know there is possibly a story in existence.
Yes, I had an abortion, or did you WANT me to give birth to that child?
People wonder why I’ve never had children – the one time I DID get pregnant I didn’t keep it KNOWING that Boyd was the father. Enough to know I’d be connected to him my whole life. Sick shit, even our connection hasn’t broken.
…And I’m wondering why I’m having nightmares.
I’ve never dealt with people pretending to be friends who don’t care for a second who they harm. Even silence speaks.
As I have said before, if you FUCK with me (and my domain.) I will go for blood most likely in real life or in my mind. If you DONT then I’ll let it alone. I have no reason to harm people who are not fucking up. As I also said, Auntie LeeLee don’t play.
People who have known me for years KNOW this guy is the worst guy in the world to “call.” However, I guess you do what you want to, and I’ll manage it accordingly.
I guess, the only thing I have to say is if YOU reach for ill or any negative energies to be thrown toward anyone YOU will find them. To be honest, you will have NO idea what you are even reaching for in the end.
People wonder how people die the way they do.
The discourse continues…